We talked about avoiding impulse "buying" in relationships and sidestepping fads and trendiness. We agreed that choosing clones of pop icons may label you as a pseudo-celebrity mascot even with epic efforts on your part to be "one of the crowd".
In this dating strategy, you may need to take a good LONG look in the mirror and kick down the door of denial about who you really are. I mean, if you are a desk jockey who is income-impaired, the chances of you winning a date with a Paris Hilton look-alike are really a long shot. After all, you want to find a person with whom you can relate. You don't want to subject yourself to a muscle milieu if the heaviest thing you raise is an objection.
So, that leads us to Relationship Shopping Rule #9 - TRY IT ON BEFORE BUYING. Don't take a potential relationship home unless 1) you know it fits; or 2) it will fit with MINOR alterations. Avoid buying a relationship with the idea of making major changes. "He's be great if only he were more generous." "She'd be wonderful if only she didn't talk so much."
REPEAT AFTER ME: You cannot change people. They can only change if THEY choose to. You must accept them just the way they are - or not - but it's not your job to fix them.
People are who they are. You can count on that. They aren't broken and don't need to be fixed. If the fit isn't right, keep shopping. Love is about acceptance. If you can't accept the the way they are, let 'em go.
Andrew really cared about Nadia, but at the same time, he was very critical of her. He said things like, "Gee, you'd look so much better if you lost ten pounds", or "You should take an English class to improve your vocabulary", or "You could be a much better cook if you put your mind to it".
Andrew tried to mold Nadia into the "woman of his dreams" instead of loving her the way she was. His criticism caused lots of conflict in the relationship, and Nadia finall left because she felt she could never please Andrew.
Every potential relationship is fit to be tried, so if you think someone has the potential to be your Forever After, run the raw footage of different scenarios through your mind and see if the mental movie is one you want to buy. Remember our dating motto: KNOW BEFORE YOU GO. Practicing that process will save you countless roles as a Walking Wounded.
Shopping Rule #10 - COMPARISON SHOP.
Remember that the most powerful word in shopping for a relationship is "NEXT!" If it doesn't fit, move on. Don't buy the first thing you see or try on. Shop around. Remember that dating is shopping and that you want to get the best person that you possibly can. Ms./Mr. Right could be just around the corner.
Susan decided to go online and try her luck on a well-travelled internet dating site. Darrell was the second man to respond. Even though he wasn't a great match, Susan jumped to pursue a relationship with him because she was afraid that he was as good as it was going to get. Her internet profile continued to run, but she stopped shopping to be with Darrell. Two weeks later, out of curiosity, Susan retrieved her messages from the dating site only to see a message from a man whom she thought was a perfect match for her. By the time she responded to Mr. Right, he had already met someone else.
Andrew tried to mold Nadia into the "woman of his dreams" instead of loving her the way she was. His criticism caused lots of conflict in the relationship, and Nadia finall left because she felt she could never please Andrew.
Every potential relationship is fit to be tried, so if you think someone has the potential to be your Forever After, run the raw footage of different scenarios through your mind and see if the mental movie is one you want to buy. Remember our dating motto: KNOW BEFORE YOU GO. Practicing that process will save you countless roles as a Walking Wounded.
Shopping Rule #10 - COMPARISON SHOP.
Remember that the most powerful word in shopping for a relationship is "NEXT!" If it doesn't fit, move on. Don't buy the first thing you see or try on. Shop around. Remember that dating is shopping and that you want to get the best person that you possibly can. Ms./Mr. Right could be just around the corner.
Susan decided to go online and try her luck on a well-travelled internet dating site. Darrell was the second man to respond. Even though he wasn't a great match, Susan jumped to pursue a relationship with him because she was afraid that he was as good as it was going to get. Her internet profile continued to run, but she stopped shopping to be with Darrell. Two weeks later, out of curiosity, Susan retrieved her messages from the dating site only to see a message from a man whom she thought was a perfect match for her. By the time she responded to Mr. Right, he had already met someone else.
Next time: Dating "Up" and Buying Under Peer Pressure
Jo Anna Philips, a popular author and speaker, does workshops and personal appearances including book signings, in Northern California and Nevada. She is a former member of Northern California Authors and Publishers.
Jo Anna was a columnist and feature writer who produced and hosted Nevada's first health TV show, Health and Healing, which aired on the Fox and ABC networks, and Out and About, a half-hour TV magazine. Her two radio shows, FYI and Business Briefs offered humorous commentaries and information.
Jo Anna is also a Certified Life Coach and Behavioral Therapist, who happens to have a passion for fashion, and of course, shopping. Her experience as a retail buyer for a major fashion chain convinced her to design and manufacture her own successful line of women's sportswear, GIOVANNA ACTIVEWEAR, in San Francisco.
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