Rules, rules, rules. Why are there always rules for everything, including shopping for a relationship? Because otherwise, chaos would reign. Rules serve as guidelines to protect us from ourselves - and others. With good reason. Can you imagine the psychological vertigo that would occur with no boundaries? So, regain your balance and thaw out the brain freeze that occurred after I said "rules". Know that these suggestions are designed to help you safely navigate through the icy waters of dating. If you are still cast adrift in a sea of speculation, read on...
Shopping Rule #7 - AVOID FADS OR TRENDINESS. In shopping for a relationship, look for something long-term meaning.... beyond lunch. Ask yourself:
1) can I live with this full time?
2) will I get tired of this soon?
3) is this Ms./Mr. Right or Ms./Mr. Right Now?
Each decade has its pop icons which can influence shopping for the perfect relationship, whether it's Madonna with her outrageous clothing and sexual behavior or Cindy Crawford with her wholesome, all-American look; P. Diddy with his white silk suits and gold jewelry, or Bruce Willis with his tough guy, take-no-prisoners demeanor. Each creates a demand for that "look" and behavior; however, that look and behavior may not really meet your relationship needs. And while you may consider yourself a combo fashion plate and be "into" deprivation chic and gender bending today, cashmere confections may look sweet to you tomorrow.
Geography can also create its own kind of trendiness. You can get caught up in cultural cuisine while visiting exotic places.
Tonya went to Maui with some friends for vacation. She was swept away by the magic of the islands, and fell madly in lust with a buff beach boy with whom she had a torrid romance. She brought him back with her to Omaha, but he was like a fish out of water. Two months later, Tonya threw him back with nary a splash upon her regular routine.
Shopping Rule #8 - AVOID IMPULSE BUYING. A complement to #7, this short-term shopping behavior can result in long-term misery. You can find yourself in an ill-fitting, "unconscious" relationship, one in which you wake up one morning and ask yourself, "How'd I get into this?". Thoughts like, "He's so cute", "She's really built", or "We both like to bowl", are not relationship strategies. Rather, you should look at compatibility in substantial areas: religious beliefs, political views, parenting, activities, socio-economic backgrounds, values, personalities, behaviors.
Brent liked to be in the moment and made dating decisions based on immediate attraction. He was a sucker for a pair of blue eyes, a whispered word, a promise of pleasure. He finally got tired of being led around by his impulses, as he found himself in situations with women with whom he had nothing in common. He decided to be more deliberate and formulate a shopping "strategy"; a plan with a set of criteria of what he wanted in a woman. And he vowed to stick to it.
Next time: Rules for Relationship Shoppping #9 & #10 - "Fit to be Tried" and "Shop Around"
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Jo Anna Philips, a popular author and speaker, does workshops and personal appearances including book signings, in Northern California and Nevada. She is a former member of Northern California Authors and Publishers.
Jo Anna was a columnist and feature writer who produced and hosted Nevada's first health TV show, Health and Healing, which aired on the Fox and ABC networks, and Out and About, a half-hour TV magazine. Her two radio shows, FYI and Business Briefs offered humorous commentaries and information.
Jo Anna is also a Certified Life Coach and Behavioral Therapist, who happens to have a passion for fashion, and of course, shopping. Her experience as a retail buyer for a major fashion chain convinced her to design and manufacture her own successful line of women's sportswear, GIOVANNA ACTIVEWEAR, in San Francisco.
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