"ONE SIZE FITS ALL - PART 2"

Last time we talked about how to "shop for the perfect relationship", since dating is really shopping. The trick is to shop outside the box and avoid the formula dating of "one size fits all". Formula dating is like using a template or following the selected options on a phone menu. B-O-R-I-N-G! I mean, do you really want to settle for what (or who) is in front of you when you could have the person of your dreams by using a little imagination? Do you want Ms/Mr Right or Ms/Mr Right Now?

So, how do you find romance in this modern mosh pit of sameness - this dark tundra of love? Firstly, you have to figure out what/who you are shopping for? You have to be specific. What color (and or amount of) hair, body type, eyes? What qualities - kindness, humorous, fearless, nurturing, warm-hearted? What kind of interests are important - art, sports, garage sale-ing, bridge, feng shui? Temperament - boiling point, pain threshold, mellow, nervous, easy-going? Preferences for food - sushi or steak? Vegan or carnivore? Vices - alcohol, tobacco, drugs, gambling? Body clock - morning person or night owl? Kids? Pets?

I could go on and on. You get the picture. It really involves copious criteria. But guess what? If you don't do a "shopping list" ahead of time, and make conscious choices to fit your needs, you will likely end up with "buyer's remorse". Or as Dr. Harville Hendricks calls it, "an unconscious relationship". Don't roll your eyes. You know exactly what that is. You meet someone, get carried away by _______(fill in blank), and wake up next to her/him the next day and say, "How did I get here?" Oops!

Secondly, now that you know what your preferences are and what to shop for, you are ready to identify some acceptable shopping venues. Bars? Please. Did you ever really meet a quality person or make a great choice after four apple martinis? Here's a suggestion: figure out what you like to do for fun and shop there: bike riding, tennis, pumping iron, dancing, bowling, sailing, water skiing, antiquing, classic cars, hang gliding, sky diving, singing, bird watching, hiking. There are clubs for just about any activity imaginable - yes, even investigating UFOs.

Many people meet at church functions or even through their children's activities. There are advantages to being a Soccer Mom, after all.

Volunteering is another terrific shopping venue. Many a couple has had a "defining moment" hammering away at Habitat for Humanity, or serving mystery meat at a soup kitchen.

The nice thing about meeting someone when you are having fun is that it's usually more relaxed and natural (not to be confused with "au naturel"). You don't have your party persona on and aren't skating on ice-thin double entendres.

So, use your imagination! Be shopportunistic (to steal a Marshall's tag line) in your pursuit of The Perfect Relationship. Stop. Look. Listen. You may meet the person of your dreams shopping for zucchini at a farmer's market.

Next week: "Perfect Schmerfect How Do you Know?"