PERFECT SCHMERFECT: HOW DO YOU KNOW?

Now that you have determined your relationship needs, and you have chosen a relationship shopping venue (bookstore, church, flea market, bike club, singles group, etc.), you are ready to peruse the pool of prospective partners. How can you tell if a person is perfect for you? Wait! Not perfect as in without faults (those people may only exist in another dimension), but rather perfectly suited to you. By gathering information. By asking questions. By interviewing.

Is she a morning person or a night owl? Does he like sushi or prime rib? Does she have/want kids? Does he live close enough to be geographically desirable? Is she a cat or a dog person? Is he financially secure or living with his mother? Is she athletic or a couch potato? The answer to any one of these questions could be a deal breaker, so you had better know before you go.


Jerry Seinfeld said, "A date is like a job interview that lasts all night." Your job is to use finesse in this informational process so that your date doesn't feel like she/he is being grilled by the FBI. So how do you put your date at ease and still get the necessary data? Rapport, my friends.

Rapport is sometimes described as being "in sync" or "on the same wavelength". It is a powerful communication tool that creates a positive mental and physical state by matching and mirroring someone's behavior. When you are in rapport with someone, you feel like she/he is just like you. And as we know, people like people who are like them.

For example, when Sonja met Charles she felt as if she's found her soulmate. They talked at the same speed, used similar words to describe things, had the same values, even expressed the same body language. What Sonja experienced was rapport. As she saw Charles move his body similarly to hers, and heard him use the same language at the same speed as hers, she felt a warmth towards him. She experienced rapport as her unconscious mind gave her the message, "He' OK. He's just like you. He understands and likes you."

Next time, we'll discuss how to get in rapport and develop powerful communication skills. Since you are wondering how you can learn these skills and more, simply sign up as a Follower for one of our dynamic CitySingle workshops!