Everyone wants to be understood, and yet, everyone has a distinct style of communication, or modality. Some people are visual and express themselves by using visual words - "I see, It's clear, I imagine", etc. Others are auditory and express themselves with sound words - "I hear you, Sounds good, It's music to my ears", etc. Still others are kinesthetic and express themselves in terms of feelings - "I feel, It touched me deeply, It's my impression".
Given all these verbal varieties, it's amazing that we can communicate at all. Add to that recipe splashes of regional and international accents, and you have the makings of talk soup.
Why is this important to those shopping for the perfect relationship? Because developing rapport skills will enable you to communicate effectively with potential partners. Consider them "shopping skills" which will result in "buying power". You wouldn't go shopping without money or credit cards, would you? Likewise, don't leave home without these skills.
Rapport, sometimes described as being "in sync" or "on the same wavelength" is a powerful communication tool that creates a positive mental and physical state by matching and mirroring someone's behavior. When you are in rapport with someone, there is a comfort level and an attraction.
Rapport is created by matching someone's
1. communication style - visual, auditory, kinesthetic
2. voice - tone and speed
3. body language
4. experience - feelings about what is happening
5. perspective - small details vs big picture
Think of it as putting yourself in his/her place - swapping silhouettes, as it were. Use his/her words, voice tone and speed of talking, and body language (93% of all communication is non-verbal).
The importance of creating rapport on a date is that, since you are gathering information about that person, you want him/her to be truthful. If you are in rapport, it increases that chance ten-fold!
Rob and Tiffany met online and scheduled a date for drinks after work. They were both eager to find out as much as possible about each other. Tiffany used her skills to establish rapport with Rob, and she was able to get him to talk about things that were important to him. His auditory nature revealed almost too much information, including a hole in his morality ozone layer - but enough for Tiffany to nix a second date. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol or credit Tiffany's rapport skills. Botom line: she avoided Buyer's Remorse by developing a successful shopping strategy.
Next week "Rules for Relationship Shopping"
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Jo Anna Philips, a popular author and speaker, does workshops and personal appearances including book signings, in Northern California and Nevada. She is a former member of Northern California Authors and Publishers.
Jo Anna was a columnist and feature writer who produced and hosted Nevada's first health TV show, Health and Healing, which aired on the Fox and ABC networks, and Out and About, a half-hour TV magazine. Her two radio shows, FYI and Business Briefs offered humorous commentaries and information.
Jo Anna is also a Certified Life Coach and Behavioral Therapist, who happens to have a passion for fashion, and of course, shopping. Her experience as a retail buyer for a major fashion chain convinced her to design and manufacture her own successful line of women's sportswear, GIOVANNA ACTIVEWEAR, in San Francisco.
This is really interesting, not just concerning dating but creating rapport in general for friendships, working with clients etc. Thanx!
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