"RULES FOR RELATIONSHIP SHOPPING"

We all know there are rules for shopping, things like, "Don't go grocery shopping when you are hungry", and "Don't shop for a car (boat, house, any large purchase) after cocktails". Likewise, there are rules for shopping for a relationship. All of these rules are designed to avoid Buyer's Remorse.

1. MAKE A LIST. Always shop with a list in mind of your needs, as determined by your "needs assessment" (see blog post on 4/23/09, "One Size Fits All"). Know before you go as to your preference in personality type, communication style,values and lifestyle. Know what kind of person you want before you go shopping. Do outcome first: what will you see, hear, feel when you get there with this person? After all, time is money, and you don't want to waste either.

Tamara was very organized and made lists for everything: daily things "do", things to take along on vacation, kids' homework deadlines, soccer schedules, groceries needed, family doctor and dentist appointments. After her divorce, she carried her lists into her dating strategy; she listed all the qualities she wanted in a mate, along with things she definitely didn't want. By using her kinesthetic mode; i.e., physically writing down her needs, she remembered them whenever she went shopping for a relationship. The list made it easier for Tamara to focus on what she wanted rather than being distracted by an attractive man who didn't meet her needs.